'So Now You Know: Growing Up Gay in India' by Vivek Tejuja-Book Review

A year after the colonial era law of Section 377 was decriminalized Vivek Tejuja’s memoir 'So Now You Know: Growing Up Gay in India' has hit the shelves. I pre-ordered the book not just because of its premise, I was also interested in the voracious reading habit of the author as I follow him on social media for book recommendations. Now that I have read this one, my belief in the power of reading and befriending books has only gotten stronger. Sometimes we turn to books to give ourselves company, fighting a hundred battles within and the outside world. While we read and read and read our subliminal self makes a world of its own where everything is the way we want it to be. We grow stronger, wiser and happier. Therefore, we are in a better place. The Hungry Reader definitely is.

Here is his blog.

https://thehungryreader.wordpress.com/

Vivek writes about his love for reading and the solace he found in the seas with all that he had to go through. A stereotypical Indian household and standard upbringing, bullying in school and unrequited love, friendships and relationships, social acceptance and the question of identity from the age of nine to nineteen are some issues he writes about. Life is not easy if one is different, we live in a world where hypocrites rule. Despite people coming out to accept their sexual orientation and gender identity, there will be at least one conversation where someone would go “Hey did you know? He is gay!”

Which law to change societal attitude?

I read this book while travelling in the Metro train this morning, the stares and glares I got from people sitting in the opposite row was quite predictable. It did not matter to me, what was important to me was my connection to the author as a reader. My eyes were moist while I read Vivek’s experiences, I did not stop reading. In fact page ninety-six changed me as a person.

I remembered a young boy in his early twenties who was in my cabin in the hospital on a Sunday morning for his retro positive status, while I was following my standard format of counselling midway through the conversation he stopped me to say

” Doctor I am gay…”

I had to pause for a while and realign my thoughts to counsel him for treatment again. I cannot share more details because of confidentiality and ethical issues. While he got himself tested and started his therapy, I was happy that I did not treat him differently for what he is. He must have had a war inside his head to reveal this to me, a stranger whom he met five minutes ago.

All people want is respect for their being, love and acceptance is something we don’t ask for from everyone. If people who mean the world give it to us there is nothing like it. Vivek has literally kept his heart out there in this book, a warm hug to you for that. I am going to treasure this book on my shelf. May your bookshelves overflow, may your writing grow.

-R.

As Kids See It

There is something specially striking about this signboard. Isn’t it more inviting than it is supposed to be? This is on the door of my 11 year old nephew’s room. I was compelled to enter after seeing this. Fortunately I survived the voltage, the weapons, the guns and the explosives ;-) It completely overwhelmed me, this level of imagination. Perhaps because it reminded me of what I put up on my room door when I was a kid. Thoughts were simple back then, a Winnie-The-Pooh or a crayoned flower would do. 

Kids these days have exposure to a lot of things unlike the medieval times I belong to, and this little fellow seemed nothing short of a genius to me when I had this inspiring conversation with him this afternoon. It deserved a write up on this blog.

“Do you really have them inside your room?” I asked him and chuckled.

“Haha Raksha Chikki, you don’t know that much also?” he questioned me in return and jumped on his bed doing his typical antics.

I looked at him with amusement.

“You think I am Yakub or what, I have to become like Abdul Kalam to make some super strong ones!” he said adjusting his spectacles and grinding his bunny teeth.

I am a proud aunt today. Sometimes we don't need treaties and conventions to make this world a better place. If we make sense, a sense which helps us know what is right and what is wrong it will eventually make peace. A kid sees something what we adults don't.

-R.

Dear Mr President

Picture Courtesy

Today I shall write about my childhood hero. He was for real, not any close to fiction. Grey suited, grey haired and with the most colourful smile ever! At a time when the number and kind of leaders in India were not any close to our expectations there was this one simple man. A scientist beyond excellence, a President beyond power, a leader beyond vision and a human being beyond all humanness. And not one ounce of air about him.

Words do not suffice to explain what he means to the nation. His ‘talks’(deserves an underline), his books, his smile, his vision, his interactions, his love for students, his work and his mere presence has given India a supreme feel good presence on the world map today.  He has ignited many minds and given us wings of fire. To dream, to follow our passion, to work hard and to make a difference is what he believed in and made many of us youngsters believe in the same.

Frankly speaking, Bharat Ratna Sri APJ Abdul Kalam is the only stalwart who truly deserved to be where he was, to become the President of India. I still remember the hullabaloo when people wanted him to continue for a second term. I then wished he did, wished a hundred times thereafter! When we as a nation have faced many tumultuous situations I am pretty sure there were people like me who thought” If Kalam was the President, things would have been different!” Yes of of course, no second thoughts about that.

Many of my elders at home used to tell me“If you want to become like someone, become like Kalam thatha" These words ring in my ears. When each one of us Indians follow what he has taught us, spread his message to the future generation I guess that will be the day when he shall truly rest in peace. To bid a goodbye to this world in the way he did today in the midst of a lecture to his favourite bunch of people-‘students’ only goes to say that he did what he did best through his last breath.

We will always love you ‘Our Dear Mr President’ for all the lessons of life you have given us. Your ideas are nowhere but in our minds, you are nowhere but in our hearts. For us, you have never signed off!

 

Dreams is not what you see in sleep...

is the thing which does not let you sleep... 

-R.

Reviewing It My Way! - 'Sachin Tendulkar-Playing It My Way: My Autobiography'

“…Cricket is played best when your mind is at the opposite end…”

-Sachin Tendulkar-

So writes Sachin in his autobiography ‘Playing It My Way’ I finished reading it a few days ago. On similar lines, I am of the opinion that a book is read best when your mind is at the author’s end. When you read about someone who has made it big in life in his own words that too, there are always more than a hundred lessons to learn. Another thing I am glad about is that this book is one of the best gifts I have given myself on my birthday this year, pre ordering a copy was a good thing that I impulsively did. It reached home on the release date itself, November 6th. Thank you Sachin for making my birthday a little more special!

People told me while I was reading this book “He is a great cricketer, but he is a good businessman too!” contemplating the millions of copies that would be sold, thankfully those comments did not affect my judgement. When I opened the book and saw the dedication: 

“To all my fellow Indians”

And where the author’s proceeds would go to, I was filled with immense pride. I am sure Sachin’s father up there too will be proud because he has lived up to his words- ‘a good human being first, a great cricket next’. No autobiography can document every detail of the authors life as Sachin himself puts. It is quite bit obvious for someone who has played cricket close to quarter of a century to write about the little tricks and tips that helped him in his game. The many cricket match details right from his first match to the last fortunately did not bore me, given my technical knowledge of the game is way too limited and cricket is not something which I am interested in. I read this book with a completely different intention, to know Sachin not as a cricketer but as a person. 

What was touching about Sachin’s writing is the straightness with which he has put across his thoughts about the many incidents and controversies, although at places I felt there are fans who would definitely want to know more, especially what Sachin must have felt about them. This has wisely and rightly been avoided, for he has always let his game do all the talking he intended to.

The book begins with anecdotes from his childhood, Sachin being a naughty child was one surprising revelation. His bicycle, his love for Chinese food, his pranks in the neighborhood, his love for music, his naive adamancy, him watching John McEnroe play, him stealing mangoes, his relationship with his siblings, father and mother are wonderfully recalled. He had a complete Indian childhood, something we all can relate to. But what transformed his life and our lives as fellow Indians and fans was Achrekar Sir’s coaching camp. His one set of uniforms and wet pockets, crowded bus and train rides four times a day, rude comments from conductors that he took on his stride, his personal commitments as a son, husband or a father are things which we never saw on the field when we expected a century every time he came out to bat. If one had to make a list of inspirational Indians for unwavering focus and constant practice Sachin has to be somewhere top in the list, a true Bharat Ratna at that.

He also writes about his fears like the first match jinx, him not able to give his complete best in certain situations in different tours throughout his career. The captaincy stint and how unceremoniously he was brought down, the different World Cup games- the losses and the abuses; his umpteen injuries and hardship- back pain, toe fracture, finger fracture, hamstring trouble, groin surgeries, allergies, tennis elbow, golfer’s elbow, stomach upset and what not. It is the same man with a hundred centuries in cricket, Bradman’s Bonzer! 

If there is anything that can’t be taken away from him it is his cricket is what Sachin says, die if you disagree! Another interesting aspect is the Greg and Ian Chappell saga, brave of him to write about it now in his autobiography, if it was brought up back then it would have only lifted his stature more. Also he mentions about his little friction with Dravid over a declaration when he was at the score of 194, this is not very surprising, when there are stalwarts with their own strengths and ideas at the top of a sport in which players are idolized, there are bound to be differences and it is quite righteous of him to write about that. His respect for Kumble is also worth mentioning, Anil according to him is one of the greatest players to have represented India, true that!

To say Sachin was not behind records it would be untrue, the frenzy the media and fans created for him was enough to boost his morale and raise his expectations for himself. As he rightly puts ‘hundreds do not come easily’, one can feel the pressure he has been through while reading what he has written about them. The hundredth hundred in particular! For Sachin, his personal milestones were never before playing for India. For the records he was also the first batsman to be given out by a third umpire, call it luck on his side, good or bad!

The lighter moments on and off field are an interesting read, some being very hilarious like Sachin wearing a Burkha to get scans done, Ajit not letting him eat duck, Harry’s Challenge of eating fish, his first bottle of champagne opened on his daughter’s birthday, his co players throwing him to a Jacuzzi, his strategy with Dravid to deal Chris Cairns on predicting which way his ball would swing. He also remembers the many Indian families who have made him and the Indian team feel at home in their part of world. He also writes about his fans like Sudhir Gautam and the many commoners who have helped him. Read his autobiography to know more, Sachin the person off the field! 

Another important necessity to be successful is the support system that one has, a matter in which Sachin is blessed; right from his father, mother, brother, sister, coach, friends, wife and children. Also when your heroes call and talk to you for forty five long minutes when you are down like how Vivian Richards did, or when they send 34 champagne bottles as a small gift on reaching their record like how Sunil Gavaskar did it says more about the person who is loved so much. What touched me immensely was his son’s reaction on his decision to retire and his mother watching him live for the first time in his last match, very emotional. And to write an entire chapter on his wife ’Anjali’ calling it ‘the best partnership of life’ only a gentleman will do that.

He writes that celebrations do not come naturally to him but when winning a World Cup- that moment when life seems complete, one deserves to! That was the most joyous Sachin I had ever seen on television! If his first match was ‘Baptism by fire’, his last was ’Retirement with fireworks’. Nobody can deny that we miss watching him play today. 

Now for the things I have learnt from Sachin, I am extremely grateful for all the positivity I have gained from his words. ‘Playing It My Way’ for me has served its purpose.

• Set smaller targets, try to set a mark

• Sense of reason is the biggest virtue

• Practice makes you perfect and hone your God given abilities

• Do not repeat mistakes

• Never take credit for what you have never done

• The ability to withstand pain does not mean you should expose yourself to unnecessary conditions

• Presence is a very important thing. It is one thing being there in the middle, another thing making people aware of your presence

• Take a stand

• Love your family

• Be there for your country

• Be a good human being

• Be yourself

BOOK DETAILS:

Title: - Playing It My Way: My Autobiography 

Author: - Sachin Tendulkar, Boria Majumdar (Contributor) 

Publisher: -Hachette India And Hodder & Stoughton

Publication Year: - NOVEMBER 6th 2014

ISBN 13:-9781473605206 

Binding: - Hardcover

Number of pages: -  486 

Price:- Priceless!

My rating: - 4/5

-R

Entirely Up To You Dick Darling - My Old Gentleman

A cousin of mine was telling me a very interesting thing last Saturday; some movies that we watch during childhood have a lasting impact on our thought process he said. I did agree. They make us who we are. Inspiration does not take longer than striking a match during that phase of life. We ended up discussing about all those beautiful movies that we used to watch way back then, a very nostalgic conversation that one was, there was no end to our flashbacks. And all that while I had one particular John Williams sound track from a movie running in my mind. 

A while ago when I heard that this man has left us, I could not get this one scene out of my head for hours, it is from an another adorable movie. The love with which he waves his hand from inside the carriage every time the train passes by, it just makes me wish for a Grandpa like him.  If you have watched the movie ‘The Railway Children’ and remember the character of The Old Gentleman who does everything possible for the three kids in the movie, you know whom I am missing and talking about. Or I am sure you remember the quirky scientist John Hammond, wearing a white shirt and a hat, walking around with a stick like he owns a normal zoo and says “Dr Grant, my dear Dr Sattler, welcome to Jurassic Park!”

Video Courtesy

I belong to the category of people who have graduated their childhood through this movie and derived a hell lot of inspiration to learn about evolution only to realize how minuscule we humans are, and hence this feeling, I have lost a teacher. “How can we stand in the light of discovery, and not act?” he had said. Even Spielberg considered him as an inspiration. It is indeed amazing how we connect to people whom we have never met. No wonder I had that soundtrack running in my reverie.

Although internationally acclaimed and awarded for his direction with the film ‘Gandhi’ in which Lord Richard Attenborough had literally put his life into his work and many of his other films which he has directed or acted in; like Brighton Rock, The Great Escape, Doctor Dolittle and Chaplin to cite a few, I have always remembered him as a white bearded Santa Claus like old man with a odd gap between his central incisors which kind of inspires even the dullest man on this earth to smile.  

I happened to read one of his interviews in the Guardian in 2008 now, and I could not stop myself from sharing. Here is the link : Richard Attenborough on laughter, levity and the loss of his daughter. Most of us know about our actors and directors as artists and nothing beyond that. We appreciate and laud them for their work but rarely do end up getting a personal connect. Today I cried, because with Dick like he preferred to be called, I had one. A part of my childhood and science, I owe entirely up to him. Thank you for making it beautiful.

Picture Courtesy

Rest in peace Lord Dick Attenborough. 

-R.

'A-tal'L-Leader

In a remote village of Thingalady in Dakshina Kannada of Karnataka this frame has been on the wall of the living room of my granny’s house and it is hard to remember since when, every time I see it I go “So like his name- ‘Atal’ -immovable”. Look at him, such clarity of conscience and integrity in his eyes; something rarely seen in those of most politicians. The calendars change, the photo frames change, the curtains change but not this one here.

Today watching the swearing in ceremony of the Narendra Modi cabinet if there is one person whom I missed was him, the best ever prime minister our nation has had and who led the same political party a decade ago, not for what he did or did not but for the person he simply is. With the new government we are bound to compare the current to his predecessor, but we also know it is not prudent to do so. Let us not simply watch this time but participate. Vajpayee is a legacy by himself, and a man of unmatchable words. Another special reason for many like me who grew up in the 1990s are his poems, I learnt most of my Hindi from this great orator. Listen to this one, I bet you WILL get goose bumps, what a poem!

Video Courtesy

With so many heated political arguments and discussions in the media, the Dutts and the Goswamis in the last few months in the name of elections most of us are having a sigh of relief now, and I am glad that is all over today. Now it is time for something else-expectations and work, well fingers crossed. We are a great but strange nation, being the largest democracy we elect our politicians but hardly have any great leaders. And to the latter category belongs this man.

Unfortunately we fail to remember anyone who is not making news. Having seen his photo now and then sitting in the living room recently on one evening I casually asked one of my uncles” So is it time for NaMo on the wall now?” with a smile and he went”Nah!” I gave him one of those eyes out of the socket expression, he walked out of the room saying ”Let him deliver, let him lead” Time for more than a speech now. India waiting. In the name of God.

-R.

Be One

Human nature being what it is, drawn to sugar like an ant trail we are always at getting keyed up when someone famous or around who is having all the joy and success, fame and name or good and great things heard and said about them. A weird but fortunate thing indeed. At different phases of life- scientists, sportsmen, statesmen and celebrities. C’mon we all have had that one forever poster on the wall in the room so that it is the first thing we see when we wake up in the morning and gazed at him/her like there is nobody else in the world, a scientist for that eureka moment you thought even you can run with some day, a cricketer for the way he just held the bat before hitting that boundary, a leader for whatever he believed and said and did. Inspiration is like fresh air around, good to breathe.

On a more personal level- a teacher who gave that extra push, a friend who has always been there no matter what, the mother or father for the way they just love us unconditionally, well we relate and connect to all of them and how can one forget those social gatherings where all the elders have this one common question to ask every kid around after the dance, song and reciting sessions “So whom do you want to be like when you grow up?” Frankly I would be at sixes and sevens with that one particular question back then and even now. 

In my experience I remember one in a group of boys I met in some school during a health checkup camp few years ago, the teachers had a tough time getting all of them from the playground because cricket was keeping them busy and a compromise with that, nah! He was quite restless, continuously looking at the wall clock and worrying if his PT period was getting over. After examining his chest and running nose which he kept on rubbing with the back of his hand and the collar crease I ordered “Say aaah” to have a look at his throat. He looked intently at my stethoscope and the torch in my hand and asked “Dactar Akka, injection elri?” [ read where is the injection? ]. And just a minute before that I was thinking of making this smart chap stand still by mentioning that one formidable medical apparatus.

“You don’t need one right now” I answered. He seemed to smile hearing that. There was something about him, some sort of energy, he couldn’t keep his feet together in one place at one time. He observed everything and everyone around him. I was sure he would have already formulated an opinion about the bunch of white coats who had utilized his quality cricket time, he was batting by the way. Examining his eyes, teeth and nails tempted for a conversation I ended up asking him the same old question with all the curiosity in this world, “So what do you want to do or whom do you want to be like when you grow up?”  and phat came the reply “I want to be myself.”

Look at his grin, yes the one right in focus !

He ran back to the ground before I was done with filling his yellow medical card, and there he was one of my role models running, falling, fighting, shouting and hitting boundaries. Most importantly doing what he loved doing the most, being himself. 

As long as we do not have any sort of contempt for learning; each person, thing or a situation around has something to teach us. You don’t need a hero on the big screen, a scientist with an invention or a leader with a following. Think on an introspecting plane and you realize at times we ourselves are our own role models. I know it sounds too vague or maybe proud but unless we are aware of this, there is no getting better or being happier than what or how we were a minute ago. This little young man taught me that, to live and most importantly enjoy all your moments. Now isn't he a man of honour? :-)

“If you cannot find a good role model, be one”

-Gale Ann Hurd-

PS:  
This post is as a part of Celebrating Men Who Make A Difference! 
I am writing about #MyRoleModel as a part of the activity by Gillette India in association with BlogAdda.com

-R.